Friday, April 06, 2007

Emotions @ Work

I have ALWAYS worked hard at running away as far as possible from getting familiar with people. I usually take my time to assess and build trust for a person before I become relaxed and open to them and they can become my friend. I don’t jump into the Friendship Life.

One day, a guy I had been working with for about two weeks was trying to be friendly with me and wanted to gist me about the problems he was having with his girlfriend and unconsciously, I had shut my mind to the story and kept on trying to change the topic, the guy kinda got the drift and said.. you don’t want to hear abi… and I just nodded my head slightly.

I have always acted formally in offices where I have gone to work and not delving into chit-chats with bosses or colleagues or subordinates. I went to work to work and didn’t socialize and whenever I needed to socialize, I went to my friends. (Now this sounds like a principle I carefully prepared and lived by).

This is because when I get to like people I like with all of my hear, I trust them completely and so I take my careful time before I allow myself to be drift into getting know people and befriending them. It is hard to earn my trust but believe me, when you earn it; you have earned an ardent trust.

I remember a case that happened while I was in secondary school. In my penultimate year in the school, we had a head girl I liked so much. My sister always kept trying to tell me some sinister thing about her but I never listened. I ignored my own sister to pitch my trust with the head girl that didn’t even know me personally because I was too drunk in my likeness and loyalty. At the end of the day everyone in the school except me knew that the head girl had been sleeping with the principal and to completely shatter my any other form of goodwill I could have had for the head girl, she got pregnant for the principal and gave birth to twins.

I have had my heart broken by friends; I have been gossiped about, maligned, deceived and most recently gracefully ignored.

Over these past one week, I have concluded against all former inclinations I have had about myself that I am a very emotional person. On the surface I look like kinda hard hearted and you know the non-tears shedding strong girl. I now realize that I have created this shield around myself and my heart just to conceal the very emotional me.

And now again I have had myself bruised with emotions again and this time it is by someone I respect and look up to as an older friend. I have cried……and now ask myself the question, should I ever trust a friend again?

6 comments:

Tayo said...

Hey Titi, great to have you back ... albeit on an emotional note. I'm sorry about what happened with your friend, but that's no reason to stop trusting people. Betrayal of trust has always been (Judas betrayed Jesus) and will continue so ... but not everyone will betray your trust. Don't let that incident change who you are. Keep your head up.

My Thots said...

Thanks so much for your comment Tayo...

It really will boost my day.

akin aworan said...

Friendships are always about trust, and unfortunately betryals will always happen, as tayo has mentioned. You don't have to alienate yourself from everyone, but being wary is important to.

Anonymous said...

titi,there is something i need to confess and that is the fact that i think i find it difficult to understand you, but with what i read in this colunm, i feel on the other hand i have been selfish in not trying to understand you and appreciate you
We are sum total of our Experiences,upbringing and background
love you dear

Refinedone said...

...Hmm after the last comment, what does one say :)

Well only that the sheild you use to protect your heart from others you may end up imprisoning you beautiful heart.

Perfect love casts out fear!

... so girl be yourself, just use wisdom.

Olusare Adegbagi said...

teeree ehyah for the emoshionul hard shell protected, loyarl, drunk frendly, pregnant schoolfriend trusting tee tee

ehyah! ehyah!! ehyah!!!